Bringing the Unconscious to the Surface

Tamika, 26, was raised in a home with parents who were deeply religious. She was adopted and she was aware that she was adopted from an early age.

A part of her always wondered about her birth parents, but she subconsciously felt trying to learn more about them would be a betrayal to her parents. Regularly, people said things like: “you’re so lucky you got adopted” which reinforced the belief that she should feel nothing but gratitude. She never felt fully emotionally connected to her parents, but she did know that they loved her. 

When she meets Aaron, she’s smitten. They move quickly. She knows her parents will approve because he shares similar religious beliefs. But as they get closer she can’t help but feel a lack of trust. She regularly goes through his phone. She questions him consistently about where he’s been. She pushes him to propose to prove his loyalty.

The voice in her head and the alarm in her body speaks loudly: he will betray you. 

Aaron doesn’t know how to cope with her insecurity. In his mind, he’s done nothing but be faithful. He’s feeling exhausted and worn down by allegations. He starts to pull away, which only activates Tamika’s abandonment wound. 

She doesn’t have the words to communicate the impact of her adoption trauma — and even if she did she fears she’d hear what she’s heard since she was a child; “you should be grateful.”

She also can’t explain why she’s never felt safe in relationships and that her controlling behavior stems from an unconscious fear that people who love her will eventually leave her.

This is where a third party with a trained ear can be of service; to listen, to interrupt at key points during the conversation and ask questions, and gently guide the client towards seeing if the unconscious is influencing the conscious. There is absolutely no shame or embarrassment about looking at oneself and wanting to live more consciously, changing the course of one’s life for the better.

#therapy #counseling #counselor #psychology #endthestigma 

Making time for your well-being

Although its getting better, there is still an enormous amount of stigma and shame wrapped around the subject of mental health and seeking out help. Often times its viewed as embarrassing and/or shameful when the reality is that its no different from talking to your physical doctor about a pain in your knee or taking your car in when the check engine light comes on. Zero difference. Anyone can benefit from talking with someone when the need to unpack comes up.

World Mental Health Day 2022

In the US alone:

Every year, one in five adults experience a mental illness.

One in twenty adults experience a serious mental illness.

Fifty percent of mental illnesses begin by age fourteen.

The average delay between the onset of mental illness and treatment is ELEVEN YEARS.

People experiencing depression have a 40% higher risk of developing cardiovascular and metabolic disease than the general population.

In 2020, 32.1% of adults experiencing mental illness also experienced a substance use disorder.

October 10 is World Mental Health Day, asking for attention to be drawn to what has historically been known as a silent struggle for generations of people.

Seeking out help from a Mental Health Professional is NO different from going to your physical doctor for your checkup or taking your car in for service when the check engine light is on. Yet, social and cultural stigma has plagued and embarrassed those that experience mental illness for decades.

Some easy things to do to help yourself are:

Move your body. Exercise. Ride a bike. Go for a walk. Our bodies are designed to be mobile, not to sit at desks all day. It’s good to break a little sweat each day if you can.

Spend some of that exercise time in nature. Go for a walk in the woods or in a park. Sit under a tree for a while if you can. Just be quiet as you walk or bike through the woods and see what you can hear.

Eat well. That doesn’t mean a Big Mac. That means eat seasonal and locally grown foods as often as you can. Avoid dairy, especially as you age. Experiment and see for yourself, how you feel when you eat heavy and how you feel when you eat lighter.

Its time to end the stigma and the struggle.

Emergency Contact information is below:

Crisis Text Line

Text MHFA to 741741 to speak with a trained crisis counselor.

Mental Health America offers compiled lists of help resources in both telephone and text at

In Southeastern Michigan, Common Ground offers lifelines for crisis and suicide prevention, Urgent Care Clinicians, and has an online Resource and Crisis Center.  Visit

Lastly, reach out to or your local Hospitals for contact information for Mental Health support in your area.

Its never too late for the rest of your life.

#mentalhealthday #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters